Croissants & Lattes
The bakery smelled of hot croissants and freshly baked goods. The line for coffee was long but well worth the wait for a decent latte.
I had just dropped off my five children for the day to school and preschool and I found myself in a little emotional mess, as the morning hadn’t gone to plan with children’s meltdowns and me losing my own temper. I’d thrown words around like knives cutting deep, instead of being the kind and grace-filled parent I so longed to be.
In my frustration it was easy to assume that everyone in the coffee line had had peaceful and silent mornings with quiet times, time to walk the dog and consider and reflect on the day to come. I was lamenting that only I had it bad and that all the people in front of me must have better put together lives.
I am an expert to talk on the comparison trap and I know firsthand what it’s like to be stuck in a rut instead of living out of love and grace. I often find myself in quicksand, sinking into comparisons arms. Not only is it a roadblock to your spiritual walk but it also blocks contentment, joy and peace. It makes relationships hard with your husband, children, and extended family. It makes me feel like my homemaking and my parenting are not good enough.
Comparison regularly trips me up. It tells me my value and worth are not valuable or worthy. It stops me going to pray and stops me reading the Bible, things I love to do. It creates jealousy and suspicion and distrust that God is withholding, or that I have missed the boat by comparing someone else’s calling to my own.
Mostly it digs at my creative outlets.
It tells me my writing will never be as good as Ann Voskamp or C.S Lewis, so why bother? That there are plenty of books on the bookshelf so if I wrote one it wouldn’t count. That my photos and views on life are not insta-worthy and my encouragements or insights will never be articulate enough, so don’t share. You see, comparison tricks us into believing another person’s life, calling, and gifting is “better.” Their lifestyle is easier or more blessed. It beats us down and instead of becoming truly humble we become inactive and disillusioned and self-debilitated as we see only ourselves compared to others, not making some imaginary qualification.
The trick to overcoming comparison is to take our eyes off ourselves and refocus our attention onto Jesus.
Instead of trying to be better than another person. We simply offer what ability we have into God’s hands and do it with love. Write the words, post the picture, encourage the person. Refuse to be tortured by likes or comments on social media.
In regard to comparing my parenting skills with those in the bakery line, my focus should be on Jesus, and the husband and children he has placed in my life. Nobody has my family. And I have no idea what their family (the one of those standing in line in front of me) is really like.
True humbleness is offering our gifts, acts of love as a no returns offering. We give because we are compelled too. We don’t compare.
“For if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Let each person examine his own work, and then he can take pride in himself alone, and not compare himself with someone else.”
- Galatians 6:3-4 CSB
The antidote is gratefulness, but not through shame; as in, you must be grateful. But through finding and celebrating all the moments that happen, good and bad alike, and finding our own sweet spot with God.
So, I ordered my latte with two sugars and one of the melt-in-your-mouth croissants and I decided that today I would start again, that I’d not let comparison trip me up and spoil my day, my dreams, relationships or callings. I pray that you too would place comparisons to the side and know how much your unique self is good enough.